Re: Against Formulaic Writing

[Wendy Smith <wesmith@ucsd.edu>]

All ,
I'm interested in the dance metaphor Lady uses, because I've been thinking
about it a lot lately.

The joy of expression and even transgression (I'm thinking of bell hooks's
"Teaching to Transgress) is what I find missing in many of  the 5P essays I
read.  I started this whole dialogue and am motivated to continue it
because I graded papers at a holistic grading session a week ago.  I had
done this before, but my new college emphasized the 5P more than my
training and work experience had prepared me for.  I had conflicts with my
fellow-scorers over two papers.  The students showed they had done the
reading given out to them before the exam.  They analyzed it and wrote with
conviction and strength.  However, the essays weren't 5P, and, because the
students were trying to get complex thoughts across (this is what I
suspect) they had a number of sentence errors.  My problem was not so much
with failing these students, but with passing essays that contained
perfunctory thought and very simple sentences that were nevertheless 5P and
had no sentence errors.  I would rather have the messy but thinking
students in my 101 anyday.

Can the perfunctory essay writer be compared to a dancer who does a perfect
box-step but has no sense of expression or connection with what she is
doing?  Or who really does not enjoy the even more"basic" act of touching
others and whirling them around the room?

The 5P teaches important stuff like how to organize, how to support an
argument,  how to introduce and conclude.  These are good.  But what if we
were to replace the 5P with another model that encourages critical thinking
and analysis as part of its structure.  What about placing a question where
the thesis conventionally goes, using the next 3 paragraphs to explore 3
(or so) different answers to that question, and using the last paragraph
for the author's "answer," based on careful consideration of other
perpsectives?  This model encourages analysis, includes multiple
(enveloping perhaps multicultural) perspectives, thereby ridding us of the
ideologically troublesome issue (if you don't agree with me I'll bomb you)
of pretending that the writer's point of view is the only one that exists.
Wendy

>Group, when we talk about the 5 paragraph theme, I always think
>of my daughter taking ballet classes and performing in the
>Nutcracker.  At those classes, the dancers stood at the bar
>repeating certain moves over and over.  Then came the time for
>the rehearsals for the Nutcracker, a ballet that incorporates
>lots of the moves she had been learning during all those classes.
>And she danced.
>
>Sometimes I think we expect our students to dance a ballet,
>expecting as an audience to see certain kinds of steps executed
>in particular ways and are critical when we don't see those
>steps or are critical when we see the steps performed too
>obviously.  Or perhaps we don't even want to see a ballet;
>perhaps we really want to see modern dance--but don't the dancers
>practice those steps/moves for modern dance, too.
>
>Consequently, I don't find the 5 paragraph essay that offensive.
>It is a model which less proficient writers can use to survive in
>an academic environment.  When students tell me that their
>instructor hate the 5 paragraph essay, I tell them to write 6 or
>7 and show them how.  If they are asked to argue, show, or
>attempt to prove something about their topic, then I suggest they
>come up with 3-4 points that show how and/or why some is
>true--their thesis statement.  Create an introduction and a
>conclusion and voila--an essay.
>
>The 5 paragraph essay crops up in the letter of application,
>though it may be only 4 paragraphs--an introduction, a paragraph
>about relevant educational training, another paragraph about
>relevant work/volunteer experience, and a conclusion.  It also
>crops up in personal statements in applications for internships,
>etc., usually sans the intro and conclusion.
>
>It's a way of organizing information so that a reader can access
>it easily.  It's also a way for a writer to focus what he/she
>wants to say.
>
>Had a call the other day from a mother whose son had just been
>told that he had been named valedictorian of his 8th grade class
>and would give a speech.  What should he do in the short time
>alotted?  The student was in class, and I suggested to the mother
>he write a draft of what he might want to say and then bring it
>Tech.  A short silence ensued, so I asked, "Where are you?"  The
>mother replied, "Sudan, TX," which is a community about 60 miles
>away.  Though possible, their driving to Lubbock didn't make
>sense, so I brainstormed with the mother about what the son could
>do--I thought of her as a medium linking me to the son.  And what
>we came up with was essentially a 5 paragraph essay--an intro, 3
>points supported by examples and details, and a conclusion.  Tell
>them what you are going to tell them, tell them, tell them what
>you told them.  May not have been the most brilliant speech ever
>given, but it should have had a solid structure filled with his
>thoughts and ideas.  Would love to know what happened, but I
>don't.
>
>Lady Falls Brown
>ykflb@ttacs.ttu.edu