funny stuff

[jwerchan@lima.ohio-state.edu (James E. Werchan)]

hi folks,

Here, (courtesy of a colleague doing a teaching Fulbright), are a few
tidbits of British humor:

British Signs

Sign in a London department store: 
Bargain basement upstairs.

In an office: 
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or
further steps will be taken.

Outside a farm:
MANURE:
50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG
20p DO-IT-YOURSELF.

In an office: 
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the
draining board.

On a church door: 
This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept
locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)

Outside a secondhand shop: 
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your
wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: 
The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being
opened. Open Tomorrow.

Outside a photographer's studio: 
Out to lunch: If not back by five, out for dinner also.

Seen at the side of a Sussex road: 
Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 yrs.

Outside a disco: 
Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.

Sign warning of quicksand: 
Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the
district council.

Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish: 
Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with
relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.

Notice in a dry cleaner's window: 
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

Sign on motorway garage: 
Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much
but our petrol is.

Notice in health food shop window: 
Closed due to illness.

Spotted in a safari park: 
Elephants please stay in your car.

Seen during a conference: 
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the
first floor.

Notice in a field: 
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

Message on a leaflet: 
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

Sign on a repair shop door: 
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

Sign at Norfolk farm gate: 
Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left.

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: 
Toilet out of order.  Please use floor below.

.........

cheers,
james
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
                    Dr. James Werchan
(or maybe it's just someone who kinda looks a lot like him)
              Ohio State University at Lima
                    4240 Campus Drive
                     Reed Hall #135
                     Lima, OH 45804
                      419-995-8882
				
                    werchan.1@osu.edu	
								
  Come and visit: "http://www.lima.ohio-state.edu/~wacc"    
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