Re: Will the real Steve Newman please stand up?

[Stephen Newmann <newmann@msmary.edu>]

Ah, steve, thank goodness you didn't mention to this crowd about the
"faculty status" part of my scheme.  Oh, yes, and I suppose you'll be
wanting me to post those "negatives" on my web page..... :)
			  stephen newmann
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On Fri, 3 Jan 1997 newma_sl@JHUVMS.HCF.JHU.EDU wrote:

> Dear Centaurs,
> 
> As much as I've enjoyed the chaos caused by "the Other SN," as I call my 
> quasi-double, I feel obliged to expose a much more serious and 
> diabolical plot behind his little game.  
> 
> You see, I was not always Steve Newman; in fact, when I came to 
> Hopkins, my name was John Crandall McGillicudy, in honor of an ancestor 
> of mine who was supposed to be a signatory to the Constitution but was
> late due to a malfunctioning rooster.  In any case,  a couple of years 
> ago, I was contacted by one Stephen Newmann, director of a Writing Center 
> at Mt. St. Mary's:  He had heard that I had just been selected to found 
> and direct the Hopkins Writing Center and he disclosed to me a fiendish 
> plan.  Writing Centers, he told me, were _the_ growth industry of the 
> '90s; they had already infiltrated most university campuses and had 
> become so valuable (in their quiet way) that the schools could not run 
> without them.  I'll spare you all of the Perotesque charts he showed me, 
> etc. in order to get to the kernel of the scheme.  His idea was to 
> corner the market by having other WC directors buy a stake in the 
> Stephen Newmann franchise and then, once he had a bunch of partners (all 
> _junior_ partners, he could not stop himself from adding), compelling 
> the administrations of all concerned to raise Directors' and TUtors' 
> salaries and  outfit them with plush quarters (VCR and engraved pens 
> included).  He, of course, would get a hefty cut.
> 
> When I told him that this kind of power-play seemed inimical to the WC 
> ethos and that I wouldn't play along, he glowered at me and asked, "What 
> do you think happens at Microsoft?  Don't they work collaboratively?  Get 
> real, Lefty, and join up."  When I refused yet again, he gave me a 
> manilla envelope with some, shall we say, incriminating photos of me.  
> He, of course, had the negatives.
> 
> What choice did I have?  The next day, I dutifully went down to the 
> courthouse and changed my name to Steve Newman (the other SN thought that 
> an exact duplicate would look too suspicious).  And then, through his 
> guidance and the unwitting counsel of you Centaurs, I established a 
> Center at Hopkins, which I am both glad and, in light of the other SN"s 
> scheme, sorry, to say is flourishing.
> 
> But it's all over for me.  I'm now on my dissertation fellowship and am 
> thus no longer eligible to be Director.  That job has fallen to another, 
> and before _she_ or any of you receives an unlooked for visit from the 
> Other SN and has to change names, I felt obliged to warn you.  As for me, 
> there's no turning back.  My family, when they found out about the name 
> switch, disowned me; all I have left is an old bronze of the faulty 
> rooster to remined me of my ancestry. And Steve Newman I shall remain 
> as I toil in the obscure reaches  of ABD Land.  But it's not too late for you 
> all.  Resist at all costs!
> 
> "Steve Newman"
> Past Director and Dupe
> The Johns Hopkins University Writing Center
> 
> On Fri, 3 Jan 1997 NK_NYDAHL@commnet.edu wrote:
> 
> > I'm confucsed:  A message FROM Stephen Newman with a heading "for
> > Stephen Newman only" asking someone to reply off list?  Would someone
> > translate this for me?
> > 
> > Joel Nydahl
> > 
> 
> 
>