wc adverts

[96BANDY@wmich.edu]

There was some interest in a script for in class advertisements I mentioned
earlier.  So here it is.

                               Setting
Medium sized mid-western university classroom.  Cinderblock walls in some
annoying and yellowed shade of not-quite-white, tile floors.  The room is
filled with all the accoutrements of the standard fresman composition class,
more of those little desk/chairs than can comfortably fit in a room this size
as well as a chalkboard or overhead and the obligatory teacher figure standing
to one side of the front of the room.  Three quarters occupancy by freshman
students.
                                Cast
The WC Grad Assistant
	Small round glasses, excitable at times, prone to moodiness, 30 years
old but dressed in the standard undergraduate garb, jeans , t-shirt, untucked
flannel shirt, non-descript hat (actually a hat advertising the Sarasota
French Film Festival is best) and so looks 23-24.

The Teacher or GTA
	Any will do.

The Students
	At least 15, freshmen with practiced, non-commital, self assured
attitudes trying to mask their sense of helplessness and impending despair.


                                The Teacher

Would you all please give your attention to Mr. _______.  He's here to tell
us a little about the Writing Center.  Mr. _______.... (Gestures to go
ahead).

				WC Grad

(Speaking in the fast patter of a circus barker)
Hi!  How ya'll doing?  I'm here to pass out free pencils.  Why am I handing
out free pencils? (points to student)  Good question, glad you asked. 
To bribe you into listening to me.  Why do I think I need to bribe you? 
(pointing to another student)  Smart group, you know all the right questions
to ask.  Because I figure you think you have your routine down.  Let me see
if I've got this right.  The night before your paper is due you print it out. 
You walk down the hall to your friendly local English major.  (knocks on a
desk loudly)  You knock on his or her door and say. "Hey Jo/e!" you can
spell that with an o or an oe, no sexism here... you say, "Hey Jo/e!  can you
sharpen up your red pencil and dot my i's, put my commas in the right place,
divide my run-ons, fix my fragments, draw some of those nifty little arrows
like you do to show me how to re-organize it and suggest a good title?  Can
you Jo/e?  Please!? (whining) I need it tomorrow and I need an A."  So you 
don't think you need my services, right?  (nods at them until he sees some 
grins)
	Well, let me tell you about some disadvantages you may not have yet
discovered concerning you freindly English major.  First, Jo/e's going to
start to get tired of proofreading your paper after a couple of times. 
Second, when Jo/e gets tired of proofreading your papers he or she is going
to figure out that people in the real world get paid good money for this sort
of service and Jo/e's going to start squeezing you for beer money.  Third,
you may find out that English majors have a bad hbit of copping an attitude;
they believe (assumes a tele-evangelist voice, with wide dynamic range from
shout to a whisper) that they are smarter than GOD, because they can convert
their intelligent thoughts into black ink on white paper that the world may
read and REVEL in their intelligence PRAISE BE!, they can WRITE,
therefore they are HOLY!  (dramatic pause as he glares at them)How many of you
have encountered such despicable and demeaning attitudes among English majors?
Well, when Jo/e has enough to drink for the rest of the semester courtesy of 
your back pocket, he or she may take to spreading nasty rumors around your 
residence hall concerning your lack of intelligence, telling people, "This 
stupid freshman down the hall keeps asking me to proofread his papers.  
Can't he think for himmself, or what?"  (Long pause) Three disadvantages to 
Jo/e.  
	Now let me tell you about three advantages to the Writing Center. 
(holds up fingers to indicate the count as he goes)  One, we won't get tired 
of you.  Why?  Because we get paid to be there.  Do we charge you so we can 
go drinking on the weekend?  No!  Number two, it's free to you; the university 
pays us.  Three and most importantly, we do not hire people with attitudes 
like Jo/e.  We have hired people who understand that writing is a sort of 
conversation that takes place on white paper in black ink.  The trouble is, 
the blank page, the blank computer screen, they don't talk back.  When you're 
talking to your friends and you say something they don't quite understand, 
they'll look at you like this...(demonstrates a quizzical/comical look) if 
you say something they don't quite believe, they say,"Hold up Holmes, where'd 
you hear THAT?", if they start to get bored, their eyes start to close.  The 
academic conversation, the sort of writing you are being asked to do for this 
class, is a new sort of conversation for most of you.  You're probably having 
a hard time figuring out what questions to ask, what questions to answer, 
what's interesting and what's not; and that silly computer isn't helping, 
right?  Well, we have hired people to work at the Writing Center who 
understand that talking about ideas during the writing process, engaging in 
a real conversation, helps expand those ideas, helps clarify them so that 
they are easier to get out in black ink on white paper so that senor/a 
instructor/a (gesturing and with a Speedy Gonzales voice) can put a good grade 
on it.  These people are undergraduates, just like yourselves, not nerdy,
over-educated scmucks like me, people who have used this technique of talking 
about writing to help in their own writing.  They know it works and now they 
want to help you the same way.
	Will they proofread your paper?  No!  But they can help you learn
good prrofreading strategies, learn how to find the places where mistakes
commonly occur in everybody's writing, learn how to spot the mistakes, learn
how to fix them when you find them.  What else can they do?  If you have a
paper on Monday that is only two pages long, but Senor/a Instructor/a
(gesturing, funny voice) says, "Noooo, please make it five pages by Friday
and kindly include three sources," but you say to yourself, "There is no more
I can write, I have written all there is that I know."  Come on in to the
Writing Center and talk with a tutor.  They can read through the paper WITH
you and help you find the places where you started to say something
interesting but didn't go into detail, help you find the places where you
started to say something important, but didn't back yourself up with
facts--those three sources you were supposed to use?  we can help you find
where they actually contribute to your paper instead of looking like
something you clipped out of a magazine and pasted over one of your own
paragraphs so you could say, "See teacher, I have a source."  (childlike
voice, gesture to teacher)  We can help you learn how to read through your
paper and spot the places where the organization starts to fall apart, how to
locate topic sentences and see whether they are effective.  Are you writing
good transitions?  Know what one is?  Come in and find out how you can spot
them.  We won't do the work for you; we want to help you learn how to do the
work better, for yourself.  Anybody can use the Writing Center; you don't have
to be in a freshman writing class, or in English.  We can help with Biology,
Anthropology, Sociology, you name it.  You don't have to speak another
language as your native tongue, you don't have to need help like, "this is
the noun this is the verb, you need a period to make a sentence." (funny
voice) A lot of people think we are only there for ESL students or people 
with extreme difficulties.  That's a big misconception.
	So now that I hope I have destroyed some of your misconceptions about
what we do and who we are, let me tell you where we are and when we're there,
because I'm sure you will all want to come see us soon.

Scene continues in pantomime, fades.

                                 END

Hope this is useful/entertaining to some you.  I welcome comments and
suggestions, of course.

James Bandy, GA/Promational Director
WMU Writing Center
Western Michigan University
1044 Moore Hall
Kalamazoo, MI 49007
616-387-4442